I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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