So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
