Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
