you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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