hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
