My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
