3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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