So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
