summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
