Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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