I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
