the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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