Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
