We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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