'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize