The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
