my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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