Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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