Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
