no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
