why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize