I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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