I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
