I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
