Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
