he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
