My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
