So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
