So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
