We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
