dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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