My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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