sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize