...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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