Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
