yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
That accounts for only three of the penises
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
