the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
