my soul wont recognize me after tonight
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
