none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
