I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
