and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
