I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
