The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
