Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
