Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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