oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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