I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dicks are not precious.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
