I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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