I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
