i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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