My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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