There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
