he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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