***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
