well you can't waste a boner
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
