around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
