I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
