He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
