smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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