I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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