2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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