Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
