Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
