using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
