maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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