I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize
