I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
