I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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