So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
