Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
