Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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