So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
