Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
