Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And then my night got REAL pukey
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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