I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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