I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
