a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
