just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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