If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
