I'm so fucking centered right now
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
