I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
