I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
