last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
All I want is dick and wine.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
