I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
