Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
