im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
