Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
