Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
