apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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