nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
