his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
